I’m not her!

12 Octombrie 2009

It’s 5 o’clock and I’m here with my feline friend… Somehow, you’ve always pictured me with a cat, haven’t you? Well, it’s a stiffed one, so it wouldn’t protest when I hold it too tight… I do that so I’m sure it won’t go away… Too bad I can’t do the same with you…
It took you years to understand what’s on my mind, but you’ll never understand what’s in my heart, ‘cause I’m not her and I can’t love you if you don’t love me back… Which you don’t…
People tell me it’s my fault… I admit I’m not easy to love and, compared to her, I don’t see why anyone would even bother to try… And, maybe worst of all, I’m forgettable… If one day you do manage to love me, the next one you’ll probably forget my name and by the next week you’ll forget I ever was in your life…
Maybe this is why it takes someone so God damn long to love me…
Oh, and I’m stupid, naive or whatever you want to call it… One day, God knows why, I thought someone was in love with me and the idea made me so happy… I went to the guy and just asked him: „do you love me?”. He answered quickly: „I care for you”. So I made him my best friend and sent him pictures of my crushes. Then he did the same, always adding: „but you’re not her”.
Maybe I shouldn’t have written this, but I keep having a dream about a boy… He seems so real, but in my dream he’s reaching out for me, saying „you are the one” and I wake up screaming „I’m not her!”
And, guess what, I’m glad I am who I am and you’re the stupid/naive one and I pity you! And I HATE you! And if my cat was real, I’d make it tear you apart and feed on your guts! (I wanted to say „your heart”, but you clearly don’t have one…)

OK, so, that’s it for the night… Thanks for reading! :) I’ll go back to sleep now…

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